07.13.06
UNDER a blanket?
While at obedience class the other day, I decided to ask the other dogs who they thought the obedience classes were for: the humans or the dogs.
“The humans, of course,” said Shotzie, a miniature dachshund. “I require my owner to be well-behaved.”
“Yeah, I agree. What do I need obedience classes for?” said Jack, the rottweiler. “I’m obedient enough.”
“I like obedience classes,” said Ginger, the golden retriever. “I like making my owner happy when I do what she says. I think it’s fun.”
Shotzie rolled his eyes and mouthed “suck up.” I kind of agreed with Ginger but decided not to say anything. Shotzie can be testy when he smells a fight.
“At least it’s something to do,” said Fly, another border collie. “Sometimes it’s boring just hanging around the house all the time.”
Shotzie sniffed. “You border collies are always looking for trouble. Why can’t you enjoy the comforts of a curling up on a nice pillow under a blanket?”
Fly tilted his head. “UNDER a blanket?”
Shotzie bristled. “What’s wrong with under a blanket? It’s almost as good as being underground.”
I felt like the conversation was getting off track. “Ralph thinks obedience classes are for the humans, too,” I interrupted.
Ginger perked her ears. “Who’s Ralph?”
“He’s my outside friend.”
Now all the dogs were looking at me. “Outside friend?” Jack cautiously asked.
“Yeah. He lives in the boulders around my house. He comes and talks to me when I’m looking out the window.”
“But who is he?” said Ginger. “Another dog?”
Shotzie showed his teeth. “Probably a cat.”
“Actually, I don’t know what kind of animal he is,” I said. “All I see are his eyes in the rocks.”
Now all the dogs started barking at once. “What?” Jack said. “You’ve been talking to an animal you can’t even identify?”
“It could be harmless,” Ginger said. “Maybe a little ground squirrel who wants a friend. Or a lizard.”
“I don’t think Ralph is a lizard,” I said. “He talked about eating lizards.”
Fly made a face. “Eats lizards? Yuck. I licked one once to try and make friends. Tasted horrible. The lizard was pretty rude about the whole thing too.”
“You have a rude lizard living in your yard, too?” I asked.
“Maybe they’re all rude,” said Ginger. “I keep trying to make friends with them and all they do is snap at me.”
Shotzie growled. “It’s probably a mangy STRAY cat. One of those feral ones.”
“Don’t be silly,” said Fly. “Feral cats don’t talk to dogs.”
Jack looked worried. “It eats lizards? Maybe it’s a mountain lion. Or a coyote. Come to spy on you. You should be careful who you talk to — you never know who’s trying to get you.”
I thought Jack was being a bit paranoid, but rottweilers are protective by nature. That whole police training and all. Even though Jack has never even seen the inside of a police station, he still liked to get into discussions of constitutional law and animal rights.
I also thought we had gotten off track on the whole obedience issue, but I didn’t have any time to change the subject as the humans had stopped chatting and wanted to get back to teaching someone to be obedient — I still wasn’t clear on who.
Wuff,
Nick, the border collie
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